Beware the lollipop of Mediocrity - Lick it once and You'll Suck Forever.

MURDER, MURDER MOST FOUL!!

 

I came home from work yesterday morning at around 8:30 as usual and as I normally do, I went to the fish tank to feed them. It was then that I saw something that shocked me to the core.

 

 I froze on the spot, unable to move or to call for help. My voice was paralysed with horror. There, in the tank, swishing about on the bottom over the sand was ... A CLAW!

 

 It was immediately obvious to me that one of my precious new lodgers had been attacked and was possibly dead. I couldn't bring myself to look closer to see if it was alive ... but I did anyway. Next, I found another claw (this one had a leg attached), carapace and then the tail of the poor hapless crustacean.

 

  It became obvious over the next few hours of meticulous forensic examination, by a team of highly skilled investigators, (I scooped up the remains in a net and had a look) that "number 4" as he/she/it was affectionately known, was dead. That's the second yabbie to meet an untimely end although the two deaths are un-related.

 

 Then, it happened! I went to feed the fish again this morning and to my horror, ... it had happened again!! I saw yet another tiny, blue lobster-like body, swishing around on the bottom of the tank. It now seems that we may have a serial killer in our midst.

 

 So far we have lost Number 5, Number 4 and now, Number 3. Services for Number 3 and 4 will be held at Wakefield cemetery on Wednesday for those who wish to attend. We ask that no flowers be sent but that those who wish to should make donations to a crustacean charity of their choice.

 

 This mystery deepens but we will find this killer.