This has really been a great year for standup comedians in Oz. Firstly we have the tale of the devout Muslim woman who demanded that she be able to have her face covered on her drivers' licence (that's how we spell it downunder folks) photo.

Now call me pedantic if you will but isn't it the purpose of the licence photo to identify the driver?  I used to work at an airport where we checked passports all day long and when we came to muslim women who covered their faces there was a very simple procedure. We got a female officer to take them to a secluded room and check the passports with the indiviuals. See? Easy really isn't it?

I did once see a passport photo of a woman in dark glasses that almost covered her face - but she was french and we didn't really care if she was a terrorist going to France. Note to all: don't fly Air France nobody really checks their shit out.

Then, we detained an Australian citizen for having an expired visa. Not the credit card, the entry visa. She was a citizen and she spent months in a detention camp while also being on the national missing persons list. Welcome to Oz, please set your watches back to the 1850s.

Then we deported an Aussie citizen to the Philipines!!! I mean what do you have to do to prove you belong here, get deported?

Last month the japanese whaling fleet - who only kill whales for scientific research... which has never been forthcoming - started to chase minque whales into Australian antartic waters. The Oz gumbyment made a strong protest to Tokyo, which the japanese steadfastly ignored.

Imagine it, there is little Oz standing at the beach with a towel over its shoulder, waving its fist at Japan shouting "bugger off you narsty fuckers" and there is Japan... looking the other way.

The Aussie prime-monster, Mssr John Blowhard said that Australia would take no action against the whalers. Mind you, two years ago our navy chased a fishing boat for two weeks because they were poaching Patagonian Toothfish. Apparently whales aren't worth much to anyone these days except the japanese sushi chefs, sorry I mean scientists.

If it weren't for their gorgeous women, I'd say it's time for another arse kicking!