Hey, have you ever worried just for the hell of it? Lately I have been worrying about something that might not even happen. I won't ellaborate here because it might happen and then everyone would already know about it.. well at least you, the readers would. On the other hand it might not happen and then I'll look like a total twat.

I used to have anxiety attacks brought on by an ulcer. It seems that when your body knows it's in trouble it gets nervous, even when you, the pilot know nothing about it. So if your insides are in trouble, you get a warning from the subconcious which is pretty useless since you can't actually look at a screen and find the trouble anyway.

So lately I have been having them again but this time I know I don't have an ulcer - last time I felt the pain but wouldn't go see a doctor in case it was something serious... go figure - so I'm worrying that there might be something wrong in there again. Trouble is I can't sleep or eat or anything because I feel so nervous all the time. At least this time I am going to see a quack and find out. I guess even I have to face my fears sometime eh?

I bring this up because I have realised I am not afraid of dying. quite the opposite, I am afraid of having to live with something I can't cope with. Dying wouldn't be hard, everyone does it and you really have no say in it unless you do it yourself. I have never really been a DIY kind of die-er though, I figure it is up the road somewhere.

Maybe I'm just rambling on and should shut up now. In other news, I got a hair cut at long last! First one in seven years by golly. WooHooo I hear you all say... well, not so fast Mr bond. I got a very um, different kind of style. It's like a samurai sort of affair with very short hair all over the top, front and sides and a really long braid at the back from a small circle of long hair that remains after the buzz cut. I'll post a pic when I can get one.

So cheers all and remember, dying isn't the hard part, living is.