In my life I have known fear. When a drug dealer pointed his new pistol at my head and giggled like an idiot, I was afraid. I was more afraid when a cop pointed his gun in my face - he had sweat running down his forehead and scared men do hasty things. When I crashed my bike and was stuck under it with petrol dripping in front of my face, I was afraid. Speeding along at over 250 KPH on the highway, I knew fear; But nothing grips your heart with a cold clamy hand like seeing your only child in a hospital bed.

On Friday I got a call from my sons' mother that he was going to hospital because the "bug" he has had all week is probably appendicitis and he needs an emergency operation. The fear that settled on me then, was like a wet blanket on a cold day. It came like it knew me,  the way a stranger shouldn't know you, as if it had watched me from a distance for a long time. I had never seen it before in reality, only in my imagination the way we all see our dark fears. It came to me and settled not on my shoulder but in me, on my heart.

It has left now, the boy is leaving the hospital today but is still sick. It wasn't the appendix at all although it was inflamed. It appears to be a virus of unknown origin... for the moment. I have faith in the medical system, it will be beaten. The fear I felt is sitting not far away, on a branch in my mind. The longer I don't look at it the farther away it gets but it is there none-the-less, waiting like some dark bird quiet and still with hidden eyes gleaming.

How is it that this thing could know me so well? Do they stalk us silent and unseen all the time? Are we all walking around with these fears in line behind us untill one day by some fashion they stand before us and calmly move upon us? This nasty, evil thing is known now and will not again be a stranger to me. It will not easily surprise me again, I know it now, it is no stranger to me, just another fear.