kangaroosOK, wildlife lovers of the world ... turn away now.
There are few things on this planet dumber or more ugly than a kangaroo. the name isn't even it's real name, it aboriginal for:
"I have no idea what you just asked me you stupid white man"
(work on it kids, you'll figure that one out later.)
After an IQ survey was conducted by some wildlife welfare group some years ago, the results indicated that dolphins and dogs shared about the same IQ as a three year old human. Great white sharks were just a little lower and chimpanzees were at about the same IQ as a 4-5 year old human.
Kangaroos studies by this group were the dumbest mammals alive and apparently, if you carve a kangaroo out of wood it will have the same IQ as a real one.
You might wonder why I hate them so much; I'll tell you: In Canberra, the capital city of Australia we have a smallish problem. About this time of year the kangaroos that live around the city in the bush, decide that the temperature of the grass in town is much better than the temperature of the grass in the bush and they invade! They arrive in mobs of several hundred and take over urban and suburban grassy areas. You know, like your front lawn. I go to work at about midnight when it's nice and dark and you can't see the big fat fuckers.
We had a plan to cull their number to improve safety but some animal rights activists in England protested and now, our gutless community leaders can't find the gumption (I love that word) to carry out the cull, for fear of the international backlash. Fair enough then, why don't we just export the vicious fat fuckers to the U.K. and they can deal with them.
Why are kangaroos so dangerous? Have you ever been driving at night and almost hit a dog in the road? What about a sheep? OK, now imagine this: Kangaroos can weigh as much as a large sheep, they actually move towards your headlights; and they don't die when they crash through your windscreen and into the front seat of your car - where you are. So when you come around the corner at 50mph and see a 'roo ahead, it is likely to jump towards your car, get hit by your car, get cut and bruised as it crashes through the windscreen of your car and end up bleeding and very angry in the seat next to you.
Yes, last night on the way to work, I ran across a mob of kangaroos grazing on the lawns of the local highschool. I avoided hitting any of the ones on the road but not before my heart-attack.
Of course if you hit it hard enough, it might just write your car off. Next week, I decry the woes of the bloody aweful cockatoo - Screeching flying vermin.
