OK, I know this is going to offend some people, get over it. It is none-the-less true and I want to speak my mind. 

The World Health Organisation today issued a new warning against non-essential travel to the entire Western Hemisphere, following renewed concerns about the spread of Severe Loss Of Perspective Syndrome (SLOPS).

Officials are warning travellers not to visit the UK, the US, almost all of Western Europe, Canada and Australia, following outbreaks of the disease, which has led to mass panic among the media, thousands of ecstatic children being kept out of school by their credulous and moronic parents and increased profits for DIY stores as the idiot public rush to bulk-buy face masks and plastic condom suits.

A WHO spokesman said, "You’d be better off going to somewhere like Taiwan or China or Uganda, because all you’ve got to worry about there is SARS or Ebola and let’s face it, you’re about as likely to die from that as you are from getting kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns."

The SARS and Ebola variant viruses have now claimed a staggering 750 lives in only 2 years which makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria which kills around 3000 people every single day and 500,000 children under 5, every year. Malaria, however, mainly affects darkies what speak foreign, whereas SARS has made at least one English person feel a bit iffy for a couple of days and is therefore considered much more serious.

The spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic proportions, with any high level politicians seemingly affected by the disease. The rapid spread of SLOPS has been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the need for Western leaders to give the public something else to worry about. Otherwise, they might start asking uncomfortable questions about domestic issues and that would not do.