I present this story in three parts as it is quite long. Some of you will have seen this before, some will not. For those who have, please accept my apologies for the lack of originality. This account is all true and all mine.

Before I go on let me just say, that this is not a joke story. It issupposed to make you aware of a very dangerous and scary thing: Bug Spray!

Last Friday, as is my want, I went to the flicks to see a movie that I thought would be fun. I had just been shopping and was on my way home when I suddenly got the urge to see a movie. Even though they scare me, I wanted to see the movie about giant spoiders.. "Eight Legged Freaks". I have seen the original from the fifties and wanted to see what they had done to make this one even better. If you, like me are a "fifties Horror Movie" buff, you will know the fun they can be. Black and white and really trashy special effects and all. So off I went and got my popcorn and coke (obligatory) and settled in to have some fun. Well! It was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time; very good SFX and a lot of cheesy humour to boot. I loved it and it was in the tradition of the original, very obvious plot and all.

That is when the trouble started.

I hate spoiders…really hate them. In this country even a small spoider bite can be fatal and as we all know there are even worse ones than that, like the Wolf spoider that injects a necrotising poison which doesn’t kill you, just rots your flesh; or the white tailed house spider that injects a neuro-toxin. No need for details on that one. 

So I kill them at every opportunity and have absolutely no sadness or guilt over it. "See it, Kill it" is my motto and don’t give any quarter. As I told the exterminator when I moved into this house:

" My man, I want everything in this house with more legs than me dead. I want their families dead, I want their friends dead and I want anyone they ever met dead."

The little fellow went into the house (which was not overrun with bugs by the way.) wearing what looked like a space suit and carrying a long hose. A bit over the top I thought but was very impressed. He rushed out a little later and retrieved a jar from the truck. I later asked him what the jar was for and he told me he had found a rare specimen and wanted to "keep it for the display". They have a display?

Anyway, I felt confident that all the critters (I hate critters) had been dispatched and continued to move my stuff in the next day. That was four years ago and I have not had much of a problem with critters ( I hate critters)since. That was….untill Friday.

Looking back on it now, it is as if it were all there as a warning. I had not intended to go to the flicks, it was a very spur of the moment thing. It just came on me to go see this movie and I went. Pity I didn’t question the spontaneity of the decision.

After the movie I went to see my friend Gab and his lovely wife Lennie for a café and a chat before they openned the restaurant. It is a place I go to visit my friends and share any exciting news I have ( as if ). Remember that Gab? Remember how we talked about how much you hate spoiders and about how I had always thought my fear was worse than yours and you proved me wrong? You would think I might have paid attention to that. You would think I might have thought it odd, that the person I went to to talk to about the movie, would have such a paranoia about them. So many warnings and I didn’t pay any attention at all. Serves me right, what happened later that night.

So, after dinner I set about lining up the TV programs for the night. I got my book out and was looking forward to a nice evenning with a good book in front of the telly. BLISS.